Update! June 23, MNL:
Miracles do happen! They didn’t push through with taking her off the life support system. She became responsive to the treatment and she has her eyes open and her hands are moving already. Thank you Lord!
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I’ve been carrying a heavy burden in my heart for the past week, ever since I learned that Mama M, my dad’s sister, was in the ICU after multiple strokes and a heart attack. As soon as I heard the news, I knew that it would take a miracle for her to live. Luthien has a blog post on what has happened since.
I lived with Mama M and her daughter, Ate A, when I took a vacation in the US after graduating from college. Given that I didn’t really have any plans when I got there, I ended up taking a shift at the Chicago convenience store that they ran. Mama M and I shared a bed in the apartment and I would wake up just in time for my 6am-2pm opening shift while she would just be settling in after finishing the closing shift. I would be chased by her reminders as I hurry through my morning rituals to make sure I get downstairs just in time before the doors open for customers. She taught me all I needed to know about customer service and I have managed to make a career out of it for almost 10 years.
I felt her pride in me every time a regular customer would come in and she would introduce me as her niece. The regulars were fond of her as she greeted each one of them with a wide smile and a hearty “Hello!” She taught me how to work the lotto machine so I could deal with the influx of customers during the lunch hour so that they can get their bets in for the noon draw. Michelle, who worked the hotel next door and one of the regulars, once commented that I have surpassed the master (Mama M) after I dealt with her looooooooong list of numbers and got them all in just seconds before the betting closed. On days that she couldn’t go back to sleep, Mama would take me out to the corner Mickey D’s or to Friday’s for lunch just so I wouldn’t get bored with the deli food that we served that became my staple food. After my shift, I have the apartment all to myself and Mama would have prepared something for dinner already. Even my laundry was done for me and she would always insist that I NOT do the dishes on account of my allergies.
She had her quirks and her relationship with Ate A is a complicated one. I tried not to get between them when they had their “discussions” and they have always been gracious not to place me in awkward situations. Fights and grudges with Mama M have reached legendary status and Mama M told me stories of how horrible she has been. One cousin even goes to the lengths of saying to Mama M’s face, “Salamat sa Paxil!” (Thank you Paxil!) or else she couldn’t have set foot in Chicago that time around. I have seen how she plays her favorites. Obviously, I was part of the group that cannot do wrong in her eyes.
I could not imagine what Ate A is going through right now. Uncle F, Mama’s and Daddy’s brother who was also in Chicago when I was there, once commented to Mama that Ate A and I were like peas in a pod. We had the same interests and the same taste in things. In their massive house in the suburbs, Ate A and I would spend entire weekends content in reading the paperbacks that littered the house before heading back to Chicago for another work week. For all the twists and turns of their relationship, that deep-seated love between mother and daughter always prevailed.
Mama is in our line up of Principal Sponsors for the wedding. She witnessed how my relationship with mahBebe started while I was with her in the US. When Uncle R, mahBebe’s mom’s brother, dropped by with a bouquet of roses for me at the house in the suburbs, it was Mama M and Ate A who accepted them for me since I was holed up in Maryland that time. Mama M has known of the wedding since last year when we talked on the phone and I begged her not to say anything since we haven’t asked for my parents’ blessings yet. She assured me that she would keep quiet about it and I felt her happiness for me then. She already said that she won’t make it to the wedding in September but I was looking forward to seeing her in October when she would “host” the reunion of the clan. Now, I won’t get that chance to look her in the eyes and tell her how much I love her and how grateful I am to have her in my life.
I wouldn’t want to be in the same position of deciding to pull the plug. The day before the text message of Ate A, I was thinking about Mama M and the pain that she was going through. I wanted her alive but I knew that she would be suffering through it. I got so confused with the warring emotions in my heart that in the end I whispered a prayer, “Dear Lord, Your will be done.”
When I got to read the text message that was sent, I started crying my eyes out. I had to call mahBebe and he was willing to come and comfort me but I soldiered on and went to work. There was a secret wish in my heart for a miracle but my mind kept telling me that it was a long shot.
Since it happened, it has been Mommy who kept me updated. This morning, Manila time which is still Sunday afternoon in Nevada, my Daddy finally broke his silence about the situation by wondering what is happening in Vegas. We’re all going to feel the loss of Mama M. I send with her all my love, prayers and the hope that she find the happiness that has so eluded her in her mortal life and the peace that she has craved for the longest time.
